Good Luck With That! Ha!

You people (my awesome followers) crack me up! I get the most hits on the blogs where I include my personal feelings and personal details...so here's some more personal feelings for y'all! (:

Today I felt super emotional. No, it wasn't a female thang, it was a flesh thang. No matter how much I "crucify" my flesh, it still likes to be in control sometimes. Today, I woke up feeling an emotional heaviness. This is different from the spiritual heaviness to pray about something. It was like a heavy emotion, almost making me cry. Frustration, maybe? It's difficult to describe.

So, I'll let you in on a secret: I fasted. I'm telling you this because I want you to know what I tried to do to "fix" this emotion. This is really personal, but I think someone else might need to hear all this, so I'm gonna share it. With the fasting, I prayed, of course, mostly crying. Just asking God what it is that He wants me to do. Where does He want me to go? Who does He want me to be? I told Him, "I'm willing, God. Whatever You want from me, I'll give to You."

Then (what I think is) the enemy tried to get in my head and tell me, "see how lonely it is to do what is right? See how lonely it is to chase after Him? If He loved you so much, He wouldn't let you feel so low today. You think you're special, set apart, called. Nope, you are average, just like everyone else, and a failure. Might as well give it up. Just go back to being average and trying to fit in. Go back to pretending. No one will ever know the difference."  (And, YES, that enemy said all that! Dumb Devil)

Oh, right, no one except me, who has poured myself out to the King of Kings searching for meaning and direction. Why would I totally surrender, feel Him, know He is here, and then pick my hurts back up and try to fix it myself again? I tried that already, remember? Crashed and burned.

So after this ridiculously overwhelming low emotion attacked me all day, I fell asleep during my kids' nap time. Usually I clean or study, but today, I was just emotionally drained. I'd love to tell you that I had some amazing epiphany of a dream and woke up inspired. I didn't. I woke up feeling a little more rested, though, able to think a little more clearly.

Later in the evening, during my alone time, a friend of mine called me, feeling the same way as I was today and looking for encouragement! Crazy, right? We compared feelings and both agreed: this "chasing after Him" is an emotional roller coaster! Yes, sometimes we are screaming out of excitement and giddiness because of the high we feel riding with the Prince of Peace....but then there are days like today: Screaming because we want to get off the ride! Ha!

After thinking about this all day and discussing it with my friend, here's what we came up with: Yea, you can get off the ride anytime (take back your pain and try to do things your way, like everyone else), or you can keep on riding, ride it out through the low and know that high is on the way. Something amazing is about to happen! Shut-up, enemy, I'm not going to quit now! Get thee behind me, emotional attack, I'm hanging on to see where my Prince is taking me! Even if this ride feels like it is going around and around in circles sometimes, I'm not going to give up my faith!

So, if you do get off the ride and want to handle your life on your own: Good luck with that!

I choose Him...again! Because any day with Jesus is better than my life was before I knew, I mean really knew Him.

What Is Whiter Than Snow?

The ground is covered in snow this morning. It reminds me of Psalm 51:7 saying, "wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

When we repent of our sins, truly repent, meaning to not only be sorry, but to stop the sin, He washes us. We become whiter than snow.

I was thinking this morning, "that snow is pretty white, how can we become whiter than snow?" If you look closely at the snow, you can see debris that has fallen with the snow. The snow caught some dirt on the way down or leaves or branches are peaking through.

But, when God washes away our sin, there is no trace of the dirt. No trace of debris! When He looks at us, He sees a pure, repentant soul starting over. He doesn't remember our sin at all!

Sometimes we struggle because we can't forget our sin or others want to remind us of our sin, but we have to remember that no one is perfect, and we've all messed up. We can only be whiter than snow when we let Him wash away the dirt with the sin and start over.

The snow reminds us of how He sees us after true repentance. Forget how you see yourself or how others see you and know that your Creator sees you as whiter than snow! Let your heart be full of gratefulness for a new beginning. Live your life in confidence of your salvation, so that others can see Him through you.

Oh! The best part? Lamentations 3:22-23 says that His love never fails and He makes His mercy new every morning. So if you messed up yesterday, you can start over today! What a faithful God we serve!

So what is whiter than snow? I am, because my Savior has washed me! And you can be, too!

My Valentine Is The Prince of Peace

I was reading my first blog today and remembering how I felt when I typed it. This part I did not totally reveal at that time, but you have to know this to understand the rest of this blog. 

When I typed that first blog, I felt like I was giving God control out of default. I had lost control and had no idea how to regain it. Giving Him control, trusting Him, was all that I could do. Trust Him or die. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff and free-falling, knowing He was going to catch me, but totally terrified of the fall. When would He catch me, and why was He letting me fall at all? It was like I threw my mess at Him and said, "here fix this junk." I hated giving it up, but there was nothing else I could do. Hated the trusting, the letting go, and the anxiety, but I did it anyway.

From then until now, I've been seeking Him. Everyone does it differently, so I just started seeking Him with every ounce of my being, the best way I knew how. And I mean, desperately seeking Him. He has truly revealed Himself to me. This is how I know...when I read that first blog again today, the way I felt when I typed it flooded my mind. BUT, that is NOT at all how I feel now!!!! 

In that first blog, I talked about how I was driving with Jesus in the passenger seat and lost control. I talked about how I'm letting Him drive, I have no idea where I'm going, and I'm learning to trust Him. I really did not expound how terrifying it was for me, or how much I was struggling with letting it all go.

Now, though, now I feel like I'm on a romantic rendezvous with the Lover of my soul! Oh, I'm still in the car, letting Jesus drive and have no idea where I'm going, but now I feel like I'm riding in the front seat with a blind fold on and I'm so excited and giggly because my Prince is driving! He is taking me to that special place that I've always wanted to go to, but didn't know how to get there. 

He's not telling me the details, or how long it will take, but He knows me so well that He knows what I like and want! I know when He gets me there, and takes the blind fold off, it will be better than I can imagine! 

I know this is true because His Word tells me each of those things: 

Psalm 37:5 says to commit your way to the Lord, trust Him and He will act-- I gave Him the keys, so He is driving. He is leading me to a new place in Him.

Romans 5:8 He loves me-- He wants to make my dreams come true; He knows what I need and want.

1 John 4:18 His perfect love has cast out all my fear-- His perfect love removed my fear and replaced it with contentment and excitement.

Psalm 139:1-2 He knows my thoughts-- If He knows my thoughts, He knows me well!! He knows where I need to be and what needs to happen for me to get to that place in Him.

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart-- I am truly excited/delighted in Him, He will fulfill His promises!

Eph 3:20 He is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think--- Where He is taking me will be better than I can imagine!

I'm not full of fear and anxieties anymore. Just as 1 John 4:18 says, His perfect love has driven out all my fear! I'm not frustrated with the lack of control. I'm not driven to my knees out of desperation. I'm full of peace and excitement. I'm full of joy and contentment. I'm driven to my knees to spend quality time with the Lover of my soul. I'm driven to my knees to be held in His arms and pour my love out in worship. 

Philippians 4:7 says the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. Isaiah 9:6 calls Jesus the Prince of Peace. 

My Prince of Peace, my Valentine, has shown me perfect love to remove my fear and given me peace beyond my understanding of my situation. His peace is guarding, shielding, protecting my heart and mind!

With his peace, He is protecting my heart from pain and bitterness. He is protecting my mind from doubt and negativity. 

Amazing love and peace from the perfect Valentine, the Prince of Peace, is the best Valentine's gift I've ever received!

Oh! The best part: He wants to be YOUR Prince of Peace, too! He wants to hold you in His arms and show you what it feels like to love without fear of getting hurt. He wants to show you what it feels like to rest in His peace although your situation is beyond your understanding. 

When you have the Prince of Peace as your Valentine, it is by far a HAPPY Valentine's Day! (: