Wounded Warrior

When you feel like the source of your pain is a wound by a leader, what do you do? How do you process that?

Trucking along, doing your thing, and then somehow you fall into some drama. Sometimes it's self-induced. Sometimes not. Sometimes it's exacerbated by others. Sometimes it's even exacerbated by a leader. Wow, does that hurt or what?

At first, you might feel like avoiding them. You might want to run, hide, and lick your wounds. Then you might start thinking about the details and feeling like you were targeted and intentionally injured. You might share your pain with others in an effort to feel sympathy or justification for the way you were treated.

But here's the way I see it:

1. Leaders are human. No matter how much training, education, and experience a person has, they will make mistakes. They will sin. That's the nature of humanity. That's why we ALL need a Savior. Romans 3:23 says we ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. And, despite what some people think, no matter how "spiritual" you are, you will still make mistakes. A strong, wise leader, hungry for growth, will recognize the wrong and attempt to make it right- these people are treasures!

2. You're not the only person who has been hurt by a leader. If you want to "build a case" against a leader, there will always be a group of supporters who have let an injury or offense fester and become bitterness. Those people are always willing to gather more supporters of their negativity. It's harder to rise above the voices of the negative people, but it's so worth it- the peace and joy that comes when you avoid feeding into the drama is essential to your own healing.

3. Don't take it personally. Most likely the entire situation, including parts that you cannot see, involved issues that were rooted long before you came on the scene. When a person is involved in something that hurts, it's difficult to see the big picture. Leaders are influenced by previous experiences and external sources. It's very possible that what happened was fueled by false information and/or has nothing to do with you personally. When feeling like a victim, take into consideration how the situation could have been exaggerated by hidden influences. It takes a very mature person to do this- it's easier to pout and focus on yourself.

4. One day you could be on other side of the situation. You could be learning this lesson because one day you will need to handle a similar situation differently from a leadership perspective. You will clearly remember how a leaders words and actions truly affect others. You will have empathy for a hurting soul. You will be better prepared to apologize and make things right because you can understand the long term effects of ignoring the hurts of others.

Leaders aren't born overnight. They go through a lot to get to where they are. Some are given power and aren't well prepared and must learn by their mistakes. Some make many mistakes before they are given a leadership role. Either way, as a follower, if you learn how to handle your painful interactions with leaders, you will grow and flourish. You will be stronger and more valuable to others and the kingdom of God.

We might not ever truly understand why we were hurt. The offense may not ever make sense. We might not ever know all the details of the other side of the situation. Often with time, bits and pieces will surface, but only God knows the whole truth. Waiting for understanding could be detrimental to your healing. It could allow seeds of bitterness to grow and eventually drive a wedge between you and God.

So, how do you handle your pain induced by a leader and probably someone you love and respect? You have to give them grace and forgive them- even before they ask forgiveness, knowing they might never ask for forgiveness. The Word says we cannot be forgiven if we don't forgive.

It will take some time. It's a process that involves lots of prayer and fasting. The length of the process is up to you. How willing are you to let it go? How anxious are you to see what God has next for you? How badly do you want to feel relieved of your burden? Surrender your pain to Him and let Him grow you from this experience. He can make something painful into something beautiful!