He's Holding Me

Someone asked me the other day how I could be so happy after going through such trials. The answer is so simple: "it's not me, it's Him. He's holding me. My trials are far from over, but I'm not letting Him go, so I know I will be safe in His arms."

It was in the lowest of my lows that I turned to Him in frustration and despair and began to shake my fist and say, "why me, God? Why do I have to go through this?" Yet, when I did, I was met with a merciful, loving Savior who had nothing but compassion and peace to offer me. 

I melted into Him. Instead of running from Him and trying to figure things out on my own, I fell into His arms. I literally collapsed in a heap of tears pouring my heart out to Him. And He listened. I whispered my fears and shouted my frustrations. He kept listening. Then I left it all with Him, and He picked me up and held me. 

He was waiting for me to be serious about leaving it there at His feet. This time I had no choice. At one point I felt like Job. A "friend" told me that you can't live for God once you get divorced. Another "friend" said my life would be ruined and God could never use me because I wasn't willing to fake my marriage anymore. Let me just tell you something, they were wrong! 

God has brought my relationship with Him to another level. I will live for God, no matter what, and God has already begun to use me in ways that I never imagined! Every single day I am so thankful that He has been holding me, and I praise Him for loving me unconditionally. Romans 8:39 says NOTHING (which includes anything anyone would say) can separate us from the love of God. 

You might feel like you are trapped in an unbearable situation, but I hope you listen when I tell you this: Jesus is waiting for you. His arms will hold you. He will give you peace while He is working it all out. You can trust Him with your heart. He will fill your heart with more love than you have ever felt, and He will NEVER break your heart. And that's how I'm so happy through all these trials...I'm safe in His arms.

Let It Rain

Through the years, rain has become one of my favorite things. It smells so fresh after it rains. In the spring, rain washes away pollen and purifies the air. It can be frustrating when it ruins your shoes or slows down traffic, but rain is a beautiful thing.

Rain brings fruitfulness. There's that word again! It's one of those things we are praying for this year. In another blog I talked about how painful pruning must happen for there to be fruitfulness. Well, I hate to tell ya, but you gotta endure the rain to have the fruitfulness, too! 

All throughout scripture, rain precedes fruitfulness:

James 5:18  ...heaven gave rain and the earth bore it's fruit. 

Leviticus 26:4 I will give you rains in their season, and the land shall yield it's increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.

Isaiah 55:10  For as the rain...come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and spout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater

Acts 14:17 ...he did good by giving you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness

Rain is not always pleasant. The clouds are dark, and the ground is messy. Rain changes plans. Rain affects what you wear, what your drive, and how you feel. Rain interferes with vitamin D absorption from the sun. Rain, in excessive amounts, can create hazardous conditions. 

Yet we endure the effects of the rain and are able to enjoy the fruitfulness of the earth. 

In life, we must endure the rain. It feels like the pain and persecution is pouring down. It feels dismal clouded by darkness and disappointments. You're enduring the changed plans and hazardous conditions, the darkness and messiness. But don't focus on that. Focus on the beautiful sound of the rain. Focus on the benefits of it's cleansing. Know that when it rains, it means that fruitfulness will follow. 

Stop waiting for the rain to end and appreciate the storm. The rain seems harsh and heavy, but it's part of the process. ...that fruitfulness process you've been praying for. If it's raining, then your prayers are being answered and fruitfulness is on the way! So, I say, become a pluviophile, and let it rain!!!!

(Pluviophile. (n) A lover of the rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days)

Oh! I forgot one more thing...everyone always complains about the rain. Why be like everyone else? That's so average!  Rise above and appreciate the rain! Rain in the forecast means one thing: fruitfulness is in the forecast! 

Praise and Tell!

Sometimes you pray for something, and then when it happens, you forget to praise Him for it!

I want to praise Him as passionately as I petition Him when I am in need! 

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Apparently, I was immature, incomplete, and lacking a lot, so I've been put through some trials lately!  It sure has produced some perseverance, though! Thank God for verse 12 of that chapter promising: "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." ...gives me blessed assurance of the ending to my trials and the reward for my perseverance! 

So in all these trials, I've been asking for different things. One of my trials had to do with finances (who doesn't have that trial, right?!). My car is paid for, but it was costing me $200-$500 per month in repairs for several months last year. In November, I prayed, "Lord, you can do anything. Please fix my car so it won't need major repairs until I am done with school." 

It wasn't until last week, when I was going through some paperwork for my car that I noticed something miraculous: the last car repair receipt was from that day in November when I prayed that prayer!!! It sounds so small, but for me, it is huge! It was a huge burden on me, and I didn't even realize He had answered my prayer until now! It's April! That's about 5 months of no repairs! 

God is so awesome. He loves us so much. Don't be afraid to take even the small things to Him in prayer. If it means something to you, then it means something to Him, and He wants to help you with it! 

I Chronicles 16:9 says, "Sing praises to Him; tell of all His wondrous works!" It doesn't say to tell of some of His wondrous works, it says all! So next time you recognize an answered prayer, whether large or small, praise Him for it and tell someone! 

You Can't Trust God

In my first blog I talked about how trusting God was so hard. Recently, I've found myself truly trusting Him without any difficulties, just comes naturally. Something completely ridiculous happened, and it was easy for me to take it to Him and say, "what was that? It made no sense and it was obviously not from You. I don't understand, but I know from Your Word that You are working out Your Master plan, and I trust You."

How was it so easy? Because I know Him. You can't trust someone that you don't know, right? You wouldn't trust a stranger to hold your wallet or watch your children. It's the same thing with God. Sure, you've met Him, been filled with His Spirit, are acquainted, but you can't know Him without studying His Word. Pray His Word, and ask Him to reveal Himself through His Word. You've got to really know Him to completely trust Him.

It's natural to trust someone you know. It's easy to believe what they say. Once you start getting to know God, you will see. You will see specific prayers He has answered. You will see Divine intervention in the hardest of times. Then when you again are faced with an issue, you can say, "Lord, You did that last thing for me, I know You will not fail me. I trust You."

King David was known as a man after God's own heart. He most certainly knew the Lord. In Psalm 91:1-3 he wrote, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." For he will deliver you from every trap..." This lets us know that when you dwell (meaning to live in or not ever leave) in the shelter of the Lord, you can trust Him and He will deliver you. You have to constantly chase after Him to get to know Him. It's a way of life, not a one time action. It's a commitment to a relationship with the King of kings.

Psalm 37:5 says, "commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!" When you commit your way to the Lord, He will be your Defender. He will act. He sees your righteousness and will bring justice. Once He forgives you of your sins, He can only see your righteousness. This was written by King David, who was very familiar with sin, but He knew that God no longer sees those sins once they are forgiven, even though men try to carry out evil devices!

It's such a relief to be able to let it go and let God handle the situation. He brings peace and joy, when you would usually be worried and upset. He brings love and hope, when you should be lonely and afraid. Oh! Trusting in the Lord will also make you fruitful! Jeremiah 17:7-8 says that the man who trusts in the Lord is blessed, is like a strong tree planted by the water who does not fear, is not anxious, and does not cease to bear fruit!

It all goes back to that "putting Him in charge" thing. I've always known of Him, but I've never allowed myself to get to really know Him until everything fell apart. This is very common among believers.

Even Job was described by God as blameless and upright, fearing God and turned away from evil (Job 1:8), but he completely fell apart when he was tested and had to repent. At the end of the book after God tells him that he was wrong to ever doubt Him, Job tells God, "I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eyes see you, therefore I despise myself and repent.." Job 42:5-6. Job admitted that he had heard God, but did not really know who He was. He despised himself for this. I'm sure he was wishing that He had known God before, so that He could have fully trusted Him throughout all those trials.

Don't wait for your world to fall apart! Seek Him now! Then, when you find yourself in a situation you don't understand, you can say, "I trust You, Lord," and really mean it! You can't trust Him, if you don't know Him. It's impossible.

I Caused a "Trauma One"

Working in the hospital you hear many different messages called out over the paging system. Most people are familiar with a "code blue, " which pretty much means someone has died. Sometimes the person is able to be resuscitated (revived), and sometimes they are not or it was expected for them to pass.

Most people, including a lot of nurses and doctors who do not work in the emergency room setting, don't know what "trauma one" really means. After working in the emergency department and seeing patients brought in labeled as a "trauma one," I cringe when I hear that called out over the paging system.

The initial arrival of a patient in the trauma one status is chaos to an observer. There is usually an unresponsive victim with massive amounts of injuries and body fluids going everywhere. Dozens of people are swarming to save the person's life, which is hanging in the balance and seconds can make a huge difference in the outcome.

Some of the criteria for a "trauma one" include:

Airway/Breaching Unstable, requiring immediate airway intervention

Severe Facial Injuries

Moderate-Severe Respiratory Distress

Arterial Bleeding

Spinal Shock, Spinal Cord Injury

Head Injury with Loss of Consciousness

Chest/Abdomen/Pelvis Injury

Cardiac or Major Chest Wall Injury

Multiple Long Bone Fractures with Shock

Pulseless Extremity with Evidence of Trauma

Penetrating Trauma to the Head, Face, Torso

The trauma team includes, but is not limited to:  Trauma Surgeon, Emergency Department Attending Physician, Chief Surgical-Trauma Resident Physician, Emergency Department Resident Physician, Several Emergency Department Nurses, Paramedics, Emergency Department Charge nurse, Emergency Department Tech, Respiratory Therapist, X-Ray Technologist, and CT Technologist.

You may wonder why I'm telling you all this, but I want you to get a good visual image of how we respond to someone who meets the trauma one criteria. When someone has suffered these injuries, it's a HUGE deal.

This morning a minister came to our church and preached a message about the crucifixion of Christ. The picture verbally painted by the minister was of a man most certainly in a trauma one status. Read the criteria for trauma one that I listed above again...that was Jesus. I was thinking of how I would have felt if I had walked up and found this Man in that condition today. I know the deep wounds from His beating and torture and agonizing pain He experienced would have required a trauma center and an entire team of medical staff to respond to this Victim.

Then I thought about how I was the cause of this trauma one Victim. My sin beat Him and nailed Him to that cross. My sin induced torture and agonizing pain. My life meant so much to Him that endured great trauma and death to save me. His resurrection allows me to have the gift of eternal life. Why? How? Who am I that the King of kings would endure that for me?

Maybe this isn't profound to you, but picturing Jesus as a trauma one Victim made me realize how serious sin really is. I don't ever want to take for granted the price that He paid at Calvary. I don't ever want to forget that I caused Jesus to be a trauma one Victim, and He loved me enough to endure it.

Just as serious as sin is, His blood is that much more powerful. My sin has been covered by His blood. His crucifixion brings Power to cover that sin. Ephesians 1:7 says that we are redeemed by His blood. Isaiah 43:25 tells us that once He forgives us for our sins, He remembers those sins no more! That is how powerful His blood is!

What an awesome, powerful, merciful, loving God we serve!

News Flash: Life's NOT About You!

One of the most important lessons that I've learned as a parent is that life is not about me. Oh, it was a pretty hard lesson to learn. You know what I'm referring to....

You don't get to sleep when you want to. You don't get to spend your money on what you want to. You don't get to eat what you want to. You don't get to pee in private. Yea, you know what I'm talking about! The list goes on and on.

My kids and I had a theme last month: OTHERS. We had Philippians 2:4 posted all over the house. I tried to teach them to think about others. Help others. Encourage others. Forget self.

It wasn't until I started trying to teach them this, that I started realizing all the selfishness in our world. So many people are searching for happiness and contentment. Their loneliness is so overwhelming, they can't think of others. They are thinking, "what about me?" or "who is going to take care of my needs?"

God will always provide. Your needs greatly diminish when you see the needs of others. If you are focused on what you are holding in your hand, you can't see the world around you. Put what you are holding back on the altar, let Him take care of it, and go find someone in need. Pray for someone else. Encourage someone else. Reach out to someone else.

Some people have a personal story for everything. Forget your personal story and listen to someone else's personal story. They might be making their last cry out for help before they attempt suicide. They might be crying out for direction to the Prince of Peace.

Matthew 16:25 says that whoever loses his life for His sake will find it. Jesus walked this earth focused on others. He was healing others, saving others, teaching others. We have to "lose" our own life being like Him, focused on others, and we will find true fulfillment.

So, yea, life isn't about you, really. It's about others. Give God your mess. Let Him give you peace while He's working on it, and go help someone else. Leave the pity party and join the Peace party! It's a much better place to dwell in!

Good Luck With That! Ha!

You people (my awesome followers) crack me up! I get the most hits on the blogs where I include my personal feelings and personal details...so here's some more personal feelings for y'all! (:

Today I felt super emotional. No, it wasn't a female thang, it was a flesh thang. No matter how much I "crucify" my flesh, it still likes to be in control sometimes. Today, I woke up feeling an emotional heaviness. This is different from the spiritual heaviness to pray about something. It was like a heavy emotion, almost making me cry. Frustration, maybe? It's difficult to describe.

So, I'll let you in on a secret: I fasted. I'm telling you this because I want you to know what I tried to do to "fix" this emotion. This is really personal, but I think someone else might need to hear all this, so I'm gonna share it. With the fasting, I prayed, of course, mostly crying. Just asking God what it is that He wants me to do. Where does He want me to go? Who does He want me to be? I told Him, "I'm willing, God. Whatever You want from me, I'll give to You."

Then (what I think is) the enemy tried to get in my head and tell me, "see how lonely it is to do what is right? See how lonely it is to chase after Him? If He loved you so much, He wouldn't let you feel so low today. You think you're special, set apart, called. Nope, you are average, just like everyone else, and a failure. Might as well give it up. Just go back to being average and trying to fit in. Go back to pretending. No one will ever know the difference."  (And, YES, that enemy said all that! Dumb Devil)

Oh, right, no one except me, who has poured myself out to the King of Kings searching for meaning and direction. Why would I totally surrender, feel Him, know He is here, and then pick my hurts back up and try to fix it myself again? I tried that already, remember? Crashed and burned.

So after this ridiculously overwhelming low emotion attacked me all day, I fell asleep during my kids' nap time. Usually I clean or study, but today, I was just emotionally drained. I'd love to tell you that I had some amazing epiphany of a dream and woke up inspired. I didn't. I woke up feeling a little more rested, though, able to think a little more clearly.

Later in the evening, during my alone time, a friend of mine called me, feeling the same way as I was today and looking for encouragement! Crazy, right? We compared feelings and both agreed: this "chasing after Him" is an emotional roller coaster! Yes, sometimes we are screaming out of excitement and giddiness because of the high we feel riding with the Prince of Peace....but then there are days like today: Screaming because we want to get off the ride! Ha!

After thinking about this all day and discussing it with my friend, here's what we came up with: Yea, you can get off the ride anytime (take back your pain and try to do things your way, like everyone else), or you can keep on riding, ride it out through the low and know that high is on the way. Something amazing is about to happen! Shut-up, enemy, I'm not going to quit now! Get thee behind me, emotional attack, I'm hanging on to see where my Prince is taking me! Even if this ride feels like it is going around and around in circles sometimes, I'm not going to give up my faith!

So, if you do get off the ride and want to handle your life on your own: Good luck with that!

I choose Him...again! Because any day with Jesus is better than my life was before I knew, I mean really knew Him.

What Is Whiter Than Snow?

The ground is covered in snow this morning. It reminds me of Psalm 51:7 saying, "wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow."

When we repent of our sins, truly repent, meaning to not only be sorry, but to stop the sin, He washes us. We become whiter than snow.

I was thinking this morning, "that snow is pretty white, how can we become whiter than snow?" If you look closely at the snow, you can see debris that has fallen with the snow. The snow caught some dirt on the way down or leaves or branches are peaking through.

But, when God washes away our sin, there is no trace of the dirt. No trace of debris! When He looks at us, He sees a pure, repentant soul starting over. He doesn't remember our sin at all!

Sometimes we struggle because we can't forget our sin or others want to remind us of our sin, but we have to remember that no one is perfect, and we've all messed up. We can only be whiter than snow when we let Him wash away the dirt with the sin and start over.

The snow reminds us of how He sees us after true repentance. Forget how you see yourself or how others see you and know that your Creator sees you as whiter than snow! Let your heart be full of gratefulness for a new beginning. Live your life in confidence of your salvation, so that others can see Him through you.

Oh! The best part? Lamentations 3:22-23 says that His love never fails and He makes His mercy new every morning. So if you messed up yesterday, you can start over today! What a faithful God we serve!

So what is whiter than snow? I am, because my Savior has washed me! And you can be, too!

My Valentine Is The Prince of Peace

I was reading my first blog today and remembering how I felt when I typed it. This part I did not totally reveal at that time, but you have to know this to understand the rest of this blog. 

When I typed that first blog, I felt like I was giving God control out of default. I had lost control and had no idea how to regain it. Giving Him control, trusting Him, was all that I could do. Trust Him or die. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff and free-falling, knowing He was going to catch me, but totally terrified of the fall. When would He catch me, and why was He letting me fall at all? It was like I threw my mess at Him and said, "here fix this junk." I hated giving it up, but there was nothing else I could do. Hated the trusting, the letting go, and the anxiety, but I did it anyway.

From then until now, I've been seeking Him. Everyone does it differently, so I just started seeking Him with every ounce of my being, the best way I knew how. And I mean, desperately seeking Him. He has truly revealed Himself to me. This is how I know...when I read that first blog again today, the way I felt when I typed it flooded my mind. BUT, that is NOT at all how I feel now!!!! 

In that first blog, I talked about how I was driving with Jesus in the passenger seat and lost control. I talked about how I'm letting Him drive, I have no idea where I'm going, and I'm learning to trust Him. I really did not expound how terrifying it was for me, or how much I was struggling with letting it all go.

Now, though, now I feel like I'm on a romantic rendezvous with the Lover of my soul! Oh, I'm still in the car, letting Jesus drive and have no idea where I'm going, but now I feel like I'm riding in the front seat with a blind fold on and I'm so excited and giggly because my Prince is driving! He is taking me to that special place that I've always wanted to go to, but didn't know how to get there. 

He's not telling me the details, or how long it will take, but He knows me so well that He knows what I like and want! I know when He gets me there, and takes the blind fold off, it will be better than I can imagine! 

I know this is true because His Word tells me each of those things: 

Psalm 37:5 says to commit your way to the Lord, trust Him and He will act-- I gave Him the keys, so He is driving. He is leading me to a new place in Him.

Romans 5:8 He loves me-- He wants to make my dreams come true; He knows what I need and want.

1 John 4:18 His perfect love has cast out all my fear-- His perfect love removed my fear and replaced it with contentment and excitement.

Psalm 139:1-2 He knows my thoughts-- If He knows my thoughts, He knows me well!! He knows where I need to be and what needs to happen for me to get to that place in Him.

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart-- I am truly excited/delighted in Him, He will fulfill His promises!

Eph 3:20 He is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think--- Where He is taking me will be better than I can imagine!

I'm not full of fear and anxieties anymore. Just as 1 John 4:18 says, His perfect love has driven out all my fear! I'm not frustrated with the lack of control. I'm not driven to my knees out of desperation. I'm full of peace and excitement. I'm full of joy and contentment. I'm driven to my knees to spend quality time with the Lover of my soul. I'm driven to my knees to be held in His arms and pour my love out in worship. 

Philippians 4:7 says the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. Isaiah 9:6 calls Jesus the Prince of Peace. 

My Prince of Peace, my Valentine, has shown me perfect love to remove my fear and given me peace beyond my understanding of my situation. His peace is guarding, shielding, protecting my heart and mind!

With his peace, He is protecting my heart from pain and bitterness. He is protecting my mind from doubt and negativity. 

Amazing love and peace from the perfect Valentine, the Prince of Peace, is the best Valentine's gift I've ever received!

Oh! The best part: He wants to be YOUR Prince of Peace, too! He wants to hold you in His arms and show you what it feels like to love without fear of getting hurt. He wants to show you what it feels like to rest in His peace although your situation is beyond your understanding. 

When you have the Prince of Peace as your Valentine, it is by far a HAPPY Valentine's Day! (:

Celebrating YOU!!

Today this blog reached 70 followers! 70! Wow! Most of you know me from school and work, and I want to just tell you from the bottom of my heart: Thank you for reading this blog!

So many of you have inboxed me telling me personal stories about how each blog has spoken to you and encouraged you right where you were in your own situation. You have no idea how much that means to me!

With school keeping me so busy, I can't respond to every message, so I wanted to post it here to make sure that all of you know how much your encouraging words inspire me! I've been brought to tears reading about how some of you needed to hear the exact words that the Lord laid on my heart to blog.

Everyone is facing their own battle (It's Just a Chapter!). Everyone has trials to go through, but when you realize that you are not alone and He is fighting for you, you find strength to carry on (All Is Well!)! It's my prayer that you will find strength to keep pressing on toward the crown of life!

James 1:12 says "blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him." (We Win In The End!)

It is my humbled privilege that He is using me to encourage others. It's only His grace that keeps me standing, but just as it is written in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness," His grace is all I need!

He wants to combine His grace with your weakness, your lowest of lows because of your trials, to prove His perfect power!

I'm reminded of part of an old Hymn that says:

"To God be the glory,
For the things He has done,
With His blood, He has saved me,
With His power, He has raised me!"

His power made perfect in my weakness has raised me, so what can I say, but:

                           TO GOD BE THE GLORY!

Give Him your weakness (Withholding Nothing!), and let Him combine it with His grace (He's got plenty, John 1:14), to prove His perfect power in your situation! 

His power will raise you up, too! 1 Corinthians 6:14

Are You Sure About That?

One of the things this year that our church is praying for is "fruitfulness"....are you sure that you want to be fruitful?

Sure, it sounds great, but it's not really that simple.

John 15:1-2 says, "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. . .every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit."

That pruning thing isn't fun. One definition of "prune" is to reduce or cut away, removing dead parts, to stimulate growth.

Over time an apple tree will put on more bark than fruit. The only way to restore the production of fruit is to convince the tree that it is dying. It is only after the tree is severely pruned that it will start producing fruit again.

When Jesus healed the blind man (Mark 8:24), he saw men as trees. That's because God sees our lives as trees. It takes more than just watering and fertilizing to be fruitful, He has to prune us, too.

We love the watering part of this fruitfulness thing, the bucketfuls of blessing in living for the Lord, but no one wants to face the pruning part. The pruning part is painful. No one wants to be cut down so severely that they feel like they are dying.

Pruning is painful and usually involves losses. But when you find yourself enduring losses, remember that the Gardener is working on you. There will be a gain from it.

Because of your pain, your losses, your pruning, you will find fruitfulness!

You will get what you are praying for, but it won't come easy...the Gardener has to prune first!





Reference: "The Point of Low Points" by Rev. Ken Gurley

Withholding Nothing

We sang a song in church about surrendering all to God, withholding nothing. We sang "withholding nothing" over and over again. It hit me this morning: withholding nothing means giving Him everything, both good and bad.

God wants us to surrender our lives to Him, all the "good" things we can give Him, but He also wants us to give Him our hurts!

Matthew 11:28 (NIV) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

You don't have to get things in order in your life to surrender to Him, He wants you just as you are, with all your problems.

1 Peter 5:7 (ESV) "Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

He cares about you, even when you are full of anxieties! He wants you to surrender all to Him, withholding nothing!

We live for God day after day, trying to do what's right and be a witness for Him. Yet, we keep our problems thinking we can figure it all out or it's not really that bad, continuing to carry around those burdens. But the same God that heals the sick and raises the dead cares about us and wants to take care of our problems! You see those things as problems, failures, mistakes, issues, but He sees them as potential. He can take what you think is a mess and make it a miracle!

Giving your life to God means giving every aspect of your life to God, your successes and your failures. Give Him glory for the successes and trust Him with your failures.

Don't just give God your time, talents, and tithe, give Him your troubles, too! Withhold nothing! He can handle it!!

Dream On, Baby!

One definition of dream is, "an unrealistic fantasy." Being a realist, it's difficult for me to call my life goals, "dreams." They have always been attainable, measurable, easy-to-plan-out goals, so there was no "dreaming" involved.

Despite my minimization of dreams, I've had a quote on my bedroom wall for years saying, "Dream until all your dreams come true." I've always liked the idea of dreaming, but I didn't think I was "allowed" to do that anymore. Dreaming is for kids, immature adults, and extreme optimists, right?

Don't get me wrong, I used to dream about wonderful things or doing great things. But when they didn't come true it was such a let down, that I decided to avoid the feeling of failure and stick to realistic goals for my life. 

Until recently, it was going great: set a goal, attain the goal, feel accomplished, and repeat. It was when I lost control (like I described in my first blog), that I realized that a dream God gave me as a teenager never died. 

Why would He bring that dream back up? I was crushed when it didn't happen the first time. I was devastated when it didn't happen the second time. Why would He remind me of this dream? 

Because it wasn't just a dream. It was God's Will for my life. It seemed unrealistic because without Him, it would be. It didn't work because I was trying to do it my way, instead of letting Him bring the dream to pass His way. At 13 years old, it's hard to know what to do with such a big dream. 

Think about the most famous dreamer in the Bible, Joseph. God gave him those dreams about where he was going and what he would become, and he was so excited about it that he shared it with his family. ...and they encouraged him and helped him bring those dreams to pass, right? NOPE. They contemplated killing him and then sold him as a slave instead!

He was betrayed and then lied on and left wondering what in the world just happened? I am so very sure that at some point, he thought, "why would God give me those dreams and then let me be betrayed and lied on?" 

But even if that thought crossed his mind, he didn't quit dreaming. He did two really important things on the way to his dreams: 1. He didn't get bitter, and 2. He trusted God, believing that somehow all things would work together for His purpose.

Dreams aren't cheap, they cost a lot. You gotta give up things that mean a lot to you, like pride, or a flawless reputation. Forget what others think when you find yourself face down in the altar crying out to Him. Forget who is watching when you feel the Spirit nudge you to shout for the victory over all your trials. You have to give up the comfort of being in control and let God have control.

To keep your dream alive, you have to get over the whispering of the enemy and not let it make you bitter. Quit trying to figure out all your trials and just know that each one you make it through leaves you that much closer to your dream. Joseph trusted God even when things looked like they would never get better.

Dreams don't happen without sacrifice. The bigger the dream, the greater the cost will be. Jesus dreamed of the world's curse being lifted and the earth being filled with the knowledge and the glory of the Lord. He laid down His life for this dream to come true.

Dreams without God are unrealistic. That's why it is a dream and not a goal. That's where I messed up. I thought I could accomplish this dream on my own. He's such a merciful God. Even after all my mistakes, He's still waiting with open arms reminding me He hasn't forgotten that 13 year old girl's dream.

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God"

I have to "be still" or quit trying to be in control. I have to just "know" that He is God, meaning trust Him, rest in the assurance that He has the power. He will bring it to pass in spite of all that I did to mess it up, because He is the One in control. If, no, when it happens, it will be obvious that it was ALL Him. 

Ephesians 3:20 (ESV) Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

The dream can only happen when we let go and let Him work within us. My version of this verse is: God is able to bring to pass more than our biggest dreams, if we let Him have complete control!

The second part of that verse says "according to the power at work within us." His power is immeasurable. He has all power, but what will come to pass is based on how much of His power you allow to work within you!

Imagine what can come to pass if you give Him complete control! ...actually, you can't imagine it! It will be far more than you ask or think (or dream)!

Then when He brings that dream (that impossible, how-could-You-use-me thing) to pass, it will be completely for His glory...isn't that what our life is all about anyway? 1 Corinthians 10:31 ...Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

So forget average (setting and accomplishing goals), and dream on, Baby! (:

What Jesus Didn't Heal

One of my favorite songs mentions how Jesus is the Healer of my scars. I love that part. Medically, a scar represents a wound or injury. Something traumatic happened, and even after it was healed, it left a scar.

For years, I've heard that song and smiled thinking that Jesus not only heals the wound, but He will heal the scar. He will remove any evidence of a wound! 

Then I was wounded. He healed me. But there are still scars, little things that remind me of my healed wound. 

Why do I still have scars? I kept thinking about that song and praying that He would heal my scars and asking Him to take away anything that reminded me of the wounds. He healed my wounds and took the pain away, so why did He leave me with the scars?

Then it hit me: if He takes away my scars, He takes away my reminder that He healed my wounds. Without the wound and the pain, all that's left is the scar to remind me of the healing. It's not that He can't heal a scar, He left it for a purpose. 

If I didn't have these scars, it would be easier to blend in with everyone else. It would be easier to be accepted by society. It would be easier to deny that I was ever wounded. It would be easier to pretend to have always been strong, if I didn't have these scars. But, that's the average person. 

I'm not ever going to be average. I've got some scars, but I'm ok with my scars. These scars keep me from forgetting where I came from. These scars prove to myself and others that I'm not perfect. I have made mistakes. These scars remind me of the wounds that thrust me into the position to chase after Him and not settle for average.

These scars also remind me that Jesus heals. These scars remind me to live a testimony of His healing power. These scars keep me from pretending to be someone that I'm not. I'm not ever going to fit in with my scars, but now I understand why. 

Jesus Himself had scars after His resurrection. If He was raised from the dead, why wouldn't He be completely healed without any scars? Jesus used His scars to prove His crucifixion and resurrection to His disciples (John 20:19-31). 

Psalm 147:3 (KJV) He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. 

Jesus still heals. Even if your wounds are emotional. I think this verse says that He heals the broken heart AND binds up the wounds, because He knows that with a broken heart, there are other wounds. He won't just heal your broken heart and ignore your other wounds. He will heal you completely, if you give it all to Him completely.

So after you allow Him to heal you, don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have scars from that healing. Testify about your healing when someone points out your scars.

There's a great quote from Pilgrim's Progress in part 2 which says, "My marks and scars I carry with me, to be a witness for me that I have fought His battles who will now be my Rewarder."

Hey, my scars also remind me that: WE WIN IN THE END! (:

Order Me Around

Being the firstborn, I'm stubborn and like to be in control. Making lists, planning events, and filling up a schedule keeps my brain going. But I'm learning that God has different ideas about how life goes.

Psalm 119:133 (KJV) Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.

This verse struck me hard this morning. Order "my steps," not "my life plans." He wants to order each step. "Order" means the arrangement or disposition of people or things in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method.

God will "order" each individual step. He has the Master Plan for our lives. There is a Divine arrangement of each step, a Divine method to produce the outcome He has for our life. We won't be able to see the whole plan, but He wants us to allow Him to order each individual step.

How? It goes back to that selfless thing we all (especially the firstborns) struggle with. Submission. We have to submit to Him, die to self, quit allowing our lives to be led by things of this world, iniquities, and completely trust Him. We have to trust that this current step He has ordered is exactly where we should be to facilitate His Master plan, although it seems hard or we can't see the next step.

When we let the things of this world guide our path, we are letting iniquity have dominion over us. We are using that as a guide for our life instead of trusting Him. When we do this, we are lacking in faith and peace. Allowing God to order our every step through His Word increases faith and provides indescribable peace.

John 16:33 (KJV) These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

He has overcome the world, those steps ordered by using the world as a guide, will not prosper. It is only when we trust Him and let Him order our steps that we can find peace and good cheer.

So now I pray, that God will order my every step. Lord, show me the very next step that I may walk in it and experience Your peace. You don't have to show me the whole path, because I might try to change or alter it, but just show me where I'm supposed to be right now, and I will trust You.

This is not an easy prayer to pray. And it's definitely not a one time prayer. I have to pray it every single day. Every morning I wake up and my firstborn brain wants to plan and figure things out, and I have shut down those brainwaves and pray that prayer again.

Sometimes I wonder if God gets aggravated at me for trying to do things my way so often, but then I see Him in my children. I'm constantly guiding them, correcting them, helping them stay on the right path. It makes me happy when they are willingly redirected, even if it's the 15th time I've redirected them that day. They are still trying to listen.

God feels the same way about us. He is our heavenly Father. He knows we are not perfect. So let's say you woke up trying to run your own life again today. Redirect yourself to Him. Ask Him to order your steps and not let you be distracted by the iniquities of this world. He will guide you. He's always patiently waiting for us to ask for His help.

If this hard-headed, stubborn firstborn can say, "go ahead, God, and order me around, I'm ready," then you can, too!

We Win In The End

The lyrics to "In the End," by Natalie Grant speak to me constantly:

Can't catch a break

You've had your fill of old cliches

Like, "Life is hard, but God is good."

And even though it's true,

It won't stop what you're going through

I wish that I could say it would

But He's outside of what you feel

It might not make sense

But one day it will

The chorus talks about how there will be no crying, no pain, and all our questions will be answered when we get to Heaven.

Revelation 21:4 (KJV) And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain; for the former things are passed away.

Right now it seems like you can't catch a break. Life is hard. You're enduring the pain. But, in the end, there will be no more sorrow or pain! That thing that is bothering you will be passed away! Done! Finished!

Revelation 21:6 (KJV) He said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end.

Rev. Wayne Huntley said, "I'm not going to let what He said and what it is be destroyed by what I feel and what I see!"

Stand on His Word. Don't let your feelings and what you see around you diminish your faith in His promises! He is true to His Word!

He promised in Deuteronomy 31:6 That He will never leave us nor forsake us, so press on through these life trials knowing that He is with you. Matthew 10:22 reminds us that we will be hated by all for His name sake, but if we endure to the end, we will be saved!

Being hated is part of the process of endurance! Don't be distracted by hatred! Continue with that "patient endurance" (refer to second blog entitled, "patient endurance"), and you will win in the end!

It doesn't really matter that we don't understand life, because getting to Heaven is the main thing in the end. No matter how much life or the enemy throws at you, Christians win in the end!

To be focused on understanding life means that you not focused on the true purpose of life. We were created to give Him glory (Isaiah 43:7).

So when you find your mind trying to figure things out and you start feeling low, refocus on giving Him glory! After all, that's what we will be doing for all eternity!

And remind yourself: WE WIN IN THE END!

Merry Christ-loves-us

There's so much more to Christmas than a day off work (unless you're a staff nurse and you have to work anyway) or getting a load of cool stuff from your friends and family (unless your friends and family are on a tight budget and pass out hugs instead).  (:

Christmas is so full of traditions that we sometimes get lost in the busy-ness and lose the real meaning. We all know it's about the birth of Jesus, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about loving others and giving because He loves us and gave to us.

You know John 3:16 (KJV), "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

He didn't just "love" us, He "so loved" us and gave the ultimate gift: everlasting life!

When you genuinely love others you want to give to them.

I've been desperately trying to teach my children that it's so much more fun to give than to receive, but how do you effectively teach a 3 year old and 6 year old that lesson?

I figured it out tonight! My dad took my son over to their next door neighbor's house to give that little boy (a playmate of my son) a tin of popcorn for Christmas. When my son returned, he was beaming and jumping around in excitement.

He exclaimed, "Mason, loved the popcorn so much! He was so happy he was jumping around and yelling to his family about it!" I said, "see how good it feels to give to someone else?" My son said, "yes, mom, I finally get it! I'm so happy because Mason was so happy!" I said, "exactly!"

Although everyone you give to won't respond in such exuberance, you find deep satisfaction in knowing that you blessed someone else. You might not ever know how much someone needed to be shown love through a simple gift, and might not ever know the difference you have made.

However, taking satisfaction in knowing that you are showing love, like Christ showed love, is reward enough. So give. Not just at Christmas, but always, throughout the New Year. Make that a New Year's resolution!

Heart Aches

The human heart is amazing. It is a collection of cells beating in unison that gives the heart the ability to effectively pump blood throughout the body.

When you place a single myocyte cell of the human heart under a microscope, you can see it beating independently. You can place several cells on the microscope, and as long as the cells are not touching, they beat independently.

However, when the cells are touching, they form interconnected sheets of cells that beat in unison. Gap junctions ensure that the connected cells beat as one. If the cells do not beat in unison, heart arrhythmias occur with complications including, fainting, stroke, heart failure, and sudden death.

The heart of the church is the saints. We are called to beat in unison, or maintain unity in the church:

Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV) I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

1 Corinthians 1:10 (ESV) I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgement.

We should agree with one another, love one another, support one another. This creates a bond of peace. You don't need to know what everyone is going through to support them. You should just see each person as a vital cell and value them as part of the heart of the church.

Hebrews 10:23-25 (ESV) Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another

Stir each other up to love and good works, not discord or grumbling.

Sometimes you might walk into church and wonder, "why am I here? I don't fit in. I feel such resistance."

Push through those thoughts and feelings! You are in this heart for a reason! Don't neglect meeting together, as instructed in Hebrews, because of those negative feelings.

The church is not just a hospital for the hurting people that we do not know...it is a hospital for hurting people that are already there! There are hurting people all around us. Maybe your own heart aches. God doesn't just save, He heals, too. We are fighting a spiritual battle right now. Many are injured emotionally, psychologically, or mentally, and you cannot see it. That's why the unity of the church, the hospital, is so important.

A quote from a WWI novel said, "a hospital alone shows what war is." You can really tell how bad the war is by how many injured are in the hospital.

As we fight more spiritual warfare, the number of hurting people is only going to increase. Ignoring the pain doesn't resolve it. We must rise to the occasion and pray in unity together;

1. In the Name of Jesus, we rebuke anything negative that hinders the unity in our church.

2. We pray that You will restore unity, peace, and love for one another.

3. We plead the Blood of Jesus over all the saints and ministry.

So next time you talk to someone who is feeling like they don't fit in or is hurting, don't add to their burden. Remember that just as a hospital isn't filled with well people, a church isn't full of perfect people. As Ephesians says, have humility, patience, and gentleness. Love them. Support them. Be the "gap junction" to ensure that all the cells are beating in unison, and ask them to pray with you these specific prayers for our church.

If we fight together in prayer, He is faithful to hear and answer our prayers!

Being the "gap junction" can prevent heart arrhythmias and complications for you or others. Being a cell in the heart is important. You are important to the heart. Never doubt that!

Just Laugh

Laughter stimulates your heart, lungs, muscles and brain. Laughter improves your immune system, decreases pain, soothes tension, and decreases stress (mayoclinic.org). 

Have you ever tried to stop laughing because you were in a library or some other quiet place? Have you ever laughed so hard you were crying? It's healthy to laugh! 

What keeps people from laughing?

Fear. Fear of what others think, fear of what might be found, fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of death, and many other fears can keep someone from laughing. 

There are many verses in the Bible about being strong and not fearful. But the question is how do you get rid of the fear?

Trust God. Psalm 56:3 (ESV) says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." You have to totally let go of what you are fearing and trust that God will handle it. 

It's not really that easy though. You have to seek Him, chase after Him, really want Him to take away your fears. Psalm 34:4 (ESV) says, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." 

He will answer you. He doesn't want you to be afraid. He wants you to have joy. 

Proverbs 31 describes a woman who respects the Lord. Proverbs 31:25 (NLT) says, "she is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."

So laugh without fear. Don't let fearing the future, or any other fear, rob you of the laughter of today. 

Just laugh out loud, literally! You'll feel better! ...and you never know, you might encourage someone else to laugh, too! 

Someone Special

I read a quote that said, "Some people are a blessin', and others are a lesson."

At first, I laughed and then I thought about how true that is. Really though, we shouldn't take anyone for granted. There is a purpose behind every interaction with other people. Whether it is to encourage you or teach you something, everyone you meet will influence your life. 

The problem comes when you realize that someone is meant to be a lesson and you refuse to absorb the lesson. Or, when someone is trying to bless you and you refuse to accept the blessing. 

Those who were put in our lives to teach us a lesson have helped us grow. It might have been a painful growth, but growth is better than death. Those who were put in our lives to bless us should be recognized.

The key is to appreciate others, no matter what their purpose is in your life. Why? Because we are commanded to:

John 13:34 (ESV) A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

He said, "just as I have loved you, you are to love one another," reminding us that He loves us although we mess up and are not perfect, so that's how we should love one another. We should realize that others are not perfect and maybe they are one of the lessons we should learn, but we still must love them. 

Who you interact with influences who you become. 

You must realize that you are constantly being molded by Him, and those influences will either limit or facilitate what He is doing in you. A good friend said, "I'm clay in the Potter's Hands, and I'm constantly being molded by Him." It's so cliche, but it's so true! He is making us into what He wants us to be, and we can either help or hinder the process. 

So when you come across someone special, someone who is truly a blessing, treasure them, and tell them how much they mean to you. They might not ever know what a difference they are making in your life! 

When you come across those who are a lesson in your life, keep on moving, pray for them, and love them anyway! 1 John 4:19 (ESV) says, "We love because He first loved us."