First, let me just tell you all that I appreciate you continuing to hit up my blog site even though there hasn't been anything new on here lately. It's encouraging to see those numbers rise...I love y'all, too! (:
It's been a busy last few months with graduation and job hunting. God is good, and the doors are opening, so I'm praising Him for that! With that behind me, I thought I'd share some new thoughts.
I've always heard that you shouldn't pray for patience, because God will be sure to put you in a position where you will need to develop patience. So of course, I've never prayed for patience. I did, however, pray for other things that I'm now realizing were just as dangerous. Since you all are so diligent in reading all about my life lessons, I just have to tell you about these dangerous prayers.
You know I love the Christian artist, Natalie Grant. She has a song called, "Awaken" that I diligently listened to for years and sang it fervently. I've even prayed the lyrics, "Lord, I feel like I'm just existing, I'm not really living, I'm far from my destiny. Awaken my heart and soul. Awaken Your power in my life and take control. Give me a passion to live for You."
There was another song that I loved to sing and pray called, "Empty Me," by Chris Sligh. The lyrics were all too true for me, and I begged God to empty me of anything that is coming between me and Him. Remove the poisonous pride from my life. Pride is sinful and separates us from God (Psalm 10:4). First, I had to admit I was prideful, then I had to be willing to let it go.
Praying that He would "awaken" me, and show me how to get back to where I should be, involved admitting that I was prideful and wanting to change. I surrendered it all to Him. That fall that I referenced in my first blog, that was the fall of pride that Proverbs 16:18 warned me about. Then through fiery trials, He awakened my heart and soul. He powerfully intervened in my life and emptied me...of everything. And I mean, every thing.
In my brokenness, I began questioning God, "where are You? Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this mess?" And He powerfully answered, "you prayed for this." Oh wow. I did, didn't I?
When He multiplied the loaves and fishes, what did He do? He broke it first according to Matthew 14:19. Before there is fruitfulness, brokenness is a prerequisite (Refer to the fruitfulness blog for scriptures). It's during this breaking, painful process that we question living for God. Many people give up. They don't see that actually, they are closer to Him than when they were comfortable in their sin, comfortable in being around Him, but not really knowing Him.
We love the story of Jesus walking on the water and calming the storm for the frightened disciples, but look closer. In Mark 6:45 Jesus tells the disciples to get in the boat and go out into the sea. Jesus knows it all...He knew there would be a storm. They were in the perfect will of God and were in a storm. We think because we are in a storm, we are not in the will of God. NO! It's quite the opposite! It's in the storm that we learn Who God is. At the end of that story in Mark 6:52, it says that they had not really understood the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Jesus knew they were questioning Him in their hearts, and He used this personal miracle to show them He was God. According to Matthew 14:33, after Jesus calmed the storm, they worshiped Him and said, "truly you are the Son of God." Finally, they got it! ...after a huge, frightening storm.
Pray what you want to, but know that when you really truly surrender, your prayers will be answered, and it will not be the way you expect. I guess I just thought Jesus would come down and say, "I forgive you," and wave His miraculous hand over me and I would go on my way a brand new person. I NEVER thought it meant that I'd find myself where I am-- in a storm.
When you allow Him to take control, you get to know Him better. He reveals Himself in the storm. You draw closer to Him, He shows you His heart. He puts a burning passion in your heart for the things that He wants, like loving others and reaching the lost. You can't help but show compassion to those who are hurting and lost, in the church and outside the church. When you allow Him to "empty" you of what is in the way, and "awaken" you, your eyes become open to the critical spiritual needs flooding our environment.
It's not at all about your storm. It's about Who He is. He wants you to know Who He is...only then can we be about His business.
I'm so thankful that first of all, God revealed my sin to me. The sin of being lukewarm and complacent is so overlooked. Then He powerfully dealt with me to bring me back to Him. I just want you to know that if you pray for God to take control, and you really allow Him to work, it is a painful process. Being disciplined is always uncomfortable. Being broken is miserable. But think of the alternative: staying lost in sin, complacency, which is eternal damnation. Just being around Jesus isn't enough. You must truly dig in and know Him. Surrendering to Him and allowing Him to change my heart was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I know the reward is being able to worship my Savior, my Deliverer, my Redeemer for all eternity. And in the mean time, I'm riding out the storm and reaching for other who are hurting. Hold on. He is walking on the water to show you Who He is.
